Why Do the Same Relationship Patterns Keep Repeating?

Relationships are often where our deepest longings—and our most painful struggles—live. Even loving connections can feel challenging: arguments that escalate quickly, emotional distance that grows quietly, or a sense of disconnection that feels hard to name.

In my work with individuals in Walnut Creek, I help people slow things down enough to understand what is happening between them emotionally. As these dynamics come into focus, space opens up for personal growth, healthier interactions, and more meaningful relationships.

Common Challenges People Explore in Therapy

You might consider therapy if you are experiencing:

• Repeating patterns in your romantic or close relationships

• Feeling misunderstood, disconnected, or lonely in relationships

• Difficulty expressing needs or boundaries without conflict or withdrawal

• Trust issues or difficulty opening up emotionally

• A persistent question of: Why do I keep having the same kinds of relationships—or the same problems—over and over again?

Some people come in seeking clarity about a specific relationship; others come to explore broader patterns that affect multiple relationships. Both are welcome here.

Why Do the Same Relationship Patterns Keep Repeating?

Many individuals notice that familiar dynamics keep reappearing—conflict around closeness or distance, difficulty trusting, or feeling compelled to take on a particular role.

From a psychodynamic perspective, these patterns are not random or signs that something is “wrong” with you. They often reflect earlier relational experiences that shape expectations, fears, and habitual responses.

As these patterns become more conscious, people often find they have more choice: the ability to pause, respond differently, and build relationships that feel less constrained by the past. To learn more about how I think about relationship patterns, you can read my writing on why we often find ourselves dating the same person over and over.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy supports individuals in:

• Understanding recurring relational patterns

• Communicating needs and boundaries more clearly

• Recognizing and managing emotional triggers

• Building stronger, healthier connections

• Experiencing more empathy and insight in interactions

Progress is not about having perfect relationships. It’s about gaining awareness, choice, and a greater sense of agency in your connections.

Getting Started

I work with adults in Walnut Creek, California, offering insight-oriented therapy in a reflective, collaborative setting.

If you are curious about improving your relationships, you do not need to have everything figured out before reaching out. Often, the work begins simply by exploring your patterns and understanding how they show up in your life.